Hardy has been with us a little over 2 months now. And, since I am his primary source of food, we have spent countless moments together learning about one another. Admittedly, during our middle of the night feedings I am often mindlessly scrolling social media or just trying to push through to my next interval of sleep. However, a few days ago, around 3 am, I had a revelation of sorts.
Often times when I am trying to feed Hardy, I can't get him to take what I am offering at first because he'd prefer to just suck on his hands when he's hungry. I try and try to move his hands and offer him actual milk but he immediately puts his hands back in his mouth.
On this particular day, as I swatted his hands away for the fifteenth time, the Lord brought to mind a C.S. Lewis quote that I have loved for years. When speaking about our desires, Lewis notes that
"It would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
I was moved to tears. Even as infants, our sinful selves are prone to choose the easy over the good. The temporary fix over the long term work that produces real fruit. Hardy's hands can pacify him for a moment, but they will never provide him actual fulfillment or nourishment.
I pray that the Lord would reveal to me the “mud pies” I cling to as I refuse the better things He offers. And I pray, as I gently hold Hardy’s hands to keep them from blocking his mouth to what he actually needs, that God would do that to me: gently remove the obstacles that are in my life keeping me from Him. Amen.
