God’s Presence in the Pumpkin Patch

 

I wasn’t able to join Mack and Will at the pumpkin patch today. As you can imagine my mom guilt was through the roof and I was broken-hearted.  However, as usual, God knew what He was doing. Mack can be a bit shy and timid. While I am constantly tempted to push him forward, testing his comfort zone, Will is patient, gently guiding him through his emotions.  Mack needs both of us, but today he needed Will. Mack’s precious teacher sent me this photo and it brought tears to my eyes. Obviously I love this image of Will supporting and encouraging Mack. Even more than that, though, I love the image it presents of our Heavenly Father. Sometimes he asks us to walk boldly forward out of our comfort zone (like I tend to do with Mack), but sometimes, he patiently kneels to our level, puts his hand gently on our back, and steadies us. He doesn’t let us run from what we’re facing, but He doesn’t run either. He assures us with his touch that He is present with us regardless of our circumstances. Will is not a perfect father, and I’m not a perfect mother. Yet I’m thankful for this sanctifying journey of parenting and these little thinly veiled moments where God reminds us of His love for us and His presence and strength in our weakness. 

“Here’s my heart, Lord...”

The hymn we chose to sing over Hardy’s life is “Come Thou Fount” because of the line about raising an Ebenezer as a reminder of God’s faithfulness in bringing us Hardy. However, as I sing this hymn to him each night, I’ve lately been touched by the final line “Here’s my heart, Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above.” My entire life I’ve sung this line, as I’m sure most people have, as an offering of myself to God. But as I sing this while rocking my baby, I realize that what I am singing about in that moment is Hardy. I’ve heard it said that being a mother is like watching your heart walk around outside of your body. I couldn’t agree more. So, now as a mother as I offer my “heart” to the Lord in that final line, I am really offering Hardy (and Mack). My two little hearts walking around outside of my body. “Take them, Lord! Take them and seal them for your courts above!” It’s an offering and a plea all at once. Happy 9 months, Hardy, 1/2 of my heart! We love you and look forward to the day when you will join us as we sing! 

C.S. Lewis and My Newborn Son

Hardy has been with us a little over 2 months now.  And, since I am his primary source of food, we have spent countless moments together learning about one another.  Admittedly, during our middle of the night feedings I am often mindlessly scrolling social media or just trying to push through to my next interval of sleep.  However, a few days ago, around 3 am, I had a revelation of sorts. 

Often times when I am trying to feed Hardy, I can't get him to take what I am offering at first because he'd prefer to just suck on his hands when he's hungry.  I try and try to move his hands and offer him actual milk but he immediately puts his hands back in his mouth.  

On this particular day, as I swatted his hands away for the fifteenth time, the Lord brought to mind a C.S. Lewis quote that I have loved for years.  When speaking about our desires, Lewis notes that 

"It would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak.  We are half hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea.  We are far too easily pleased."

I was moved to tears.  Even as infants, our sinful selves are prone to choose the easy over the good.  The temporary fix over the long term work that produces real fruit.  Hardy's hands can pacify him for a moment, but they will never provide him actual fulfillment or nourishment.  

I pray that the Lord would reveal to me the “mud pies” I cling to as I refuse the better things He offers. And I pray, as I gently hold Hardy’s hands to keep them from blocking his mouth to what he actually needs, that God would do that to me: gently remove the obstacles that are in my life keeping me from Him. Amen. 

Hugh Hardage "Hardy" Sanford

Today we are exactly two months from the due date of our second child.  We once again do not know the gender, but we DO know the names!  If this baby is a boy, his name will be Hugh Hardage Sanford.  He will be called "Hardy."

Alton Hugh Long (aka "Paw Paw") was my maternal grandfather.  He passed away just over two years ago.  I am fortunate to have had a grandfather well into my 30's and one who was able to meet my first child! More than that, I am fortunate to have had Paw Paw as my grandfather for any amount of time.  It has been said by some in my family that I remind them of him.  To be fair this is sometimes meant as a compliment and sometimes as a warning.  Paw Paw wasn't a perfect person.  None of us are.  But let me tell you, he WAS the perfect grandfather.  Paw Paw loved to have fun.  He was always willing to play with us, spoil us, or just chat with us.  Oh man did he love a good chat.  He loved sports of all kinds and was quite the athlete in his day. He told jokes and could charm anyone into just about anything.  What made Paw Paw unique, though, (and what I hope I take from him) is that his charm was met with genuine care and concern for others.  He loved Jesus and knew Jesus loved him.  This overflowed into his actions.  The man loved to help, to give, and to encourage.  He wrote hand-written notes, was faithful to his church, and made a donation to any random charity that solicited him. He had an appetite for life that was filled by time with people he loved, service to those around him, and on Saturday nights, a nice big steak.  I hope my son takes after him in these ways.  I hope my son is charming, yes, but more than that I hope he cares.  I hope he examines how he can better his community and those around him.  I also hope he lives life to the fullest.   I hope he takes it all in, makes a few (minor) mistakes along the way, and keeps moving forward with the Joy that only the Lord can give.  I think that would make Paw Paw smile!

Will's mom's maiden name is Hardage.  She, like me, left her hometown when she married.  She moved to and immersed herself in the hometown of her husband.  From what I can see, she's done so with joy and grace.  Will and I wanted to honor her side of the family with this name.  Growing up, Will never knew his father's parents.  They passed away before he was born.  He did, however, get the chance to know his grandparents on the Hardage side.   Luckily, Will’s mom has provided us with some wonderful insight on Grandaddy Hardage.

Joseph Clinton Hardage, Sr. (aka J.C. or Granddaddy) was Will’s maternal grandfather.  He passed away when Will was almost 10, so his memories include not only what he remembers but what he has been told by his parents.  His grandfather had to take over the family farm at a young age when his father died.  Perhaps that is where he developed his love of the land and a strong work ethic.  Even though

his business led him to be a city dweller, he always maintained a “farm” where he could plant a garden. Not only did he enjoy the produce, but his real joy was giving the surplus to charitable organizations such as a homeless shelter and to friends and people in need. 

The other loves of his life were God, family,  country, and Atlanta Braves baseball.  He was actively involved in his church where he probably served on every committee there was.  He particularly enjoyed serving the young people of all ages in the church.  He religiously took his turn doing nursery duty, provided meals for the youth fellowships on Sunday evening, chaperoned youth choir tours, and provided hay rides for the young people at “The Farm.”

Even with a busy work schedule of running a business, often 6 days a week, he never neglected spending

time with his family and especially his four grandchildren.  The highlight of his visit with them was getting to take them to the playground at the park and afterwards for an Icee.  

He was particularly proud of having served his country on the battlefield in World War II.  His business often took him onto the army base, Fort Benning, and he really enjoyed visiting withand admired the young men who were there training to serve their country also.

 We are so honored for our son to carry on the names of these wonderful men and their families!

Virginia, Auburn, and "the Now but Not Yet"

Two and a half years ago, when I was pregnant with our first child, I wrote an explanation of why we would name our daughter "Virginia." You can read that essay here. We ended up having a boy and you can read his name explanation here. He is awesome!

Two and a half years later I am pregnant once again. Our girl's name hasn't changed.  However, the situation around her name certainly has. Anyone reading this already knows what I'm referencing, but for posterity's sake, I'll spell it out.  ONE YEAR AGO TODAY, in what can only be described as bizarre, Auburn met Virginia in the national semifinal game of the men's basketball Final Four.  It was a close, back-and-forth game, with Virginia ending up victorious in the end following a controversial no-call on a double dribble, a foul call on a missed 3 point shot, and 3 clutch free throws by UVA's sharpshooter, Kyle Guy.   Since that game, I've been meaning to reflect upon my emotions from that day.  Being pregnant again with the possibility of a girl was just the impetus I needed to finally jot down what that day and game meant to me. 

As I noted in my previous post, the name Virginia holds many layers and much meaning for me.  It encapsulates not just that school or that state, but everything and everyone surrounding them up to this point in my life.  The added element of the basketball game is just another layer.  Here's what I'd want to tell my daughter:

"Sweet girl, this world you are being born into is beautiful.  Everywhere you look you can see God's hand and His purpose.  In fact, He tells us in His word that "the Heavens declare the glory of God, the sky above proclaims His handiwork."* If you have eyes to see and ears to hear, you will not be able to miss Him in the people, places, and events surrounding you.  

However, this world you are entering is also broken.  It is rotting with pain and death.  The curse of sin permeates anything and everything this side of Heaven.  Every bit of joy you feel will be coupled with at least a tinge of pain.  There will be no true satisfaction for you on this Earth. 

But take heart! Should you (and I believe and hope that you will) one day decide to answer the call of Jesus, the One who has come to rescue not only you but all of creation, you will be able to see past the destruction.  He will give His Spirit to you to yearn for and catch glimpses of the new Heaven and the new Earth which He is preparing for us, even now! 

A microcosm of these Truths is what I saw played out during a basketball game in early April of 2019.  Can you imagine the joy of not only one, but BOTH of your alma maters making it to the final four? One for the first time in decades and one for the first time EVER! Can you then also imagine that joy quickly turned to anxiety as you realized this meant they would now play one another in a national semi-final game?!  The tension I felt that night was indescribable to anyone not also experiencing it. 

Virginia, you will have your own tensions like this.  Times where the "now but not yet" of the human condition hit you square in the face.  Where you experience the word bittersweet in all of its meaning. Press into these times. Don't run from them. Sit in the discomfort and allow yourself to fully feel the effects of being a citizen of both Earth and Heaven. You'll also find that you have days that mimic all of the characters in the story above.  Some days you'll feel like the Auburn player who committed that last minute foul.  Like all of Heaven and Earth have come crashing down on you.  Other days you'll feel the elation of that UVA guard as his third free throw went in and won the game.  You'll feel on top of the world.  At times, you'll even resemble the UVA player whose double dribble wasn't called. You'll find yourself a recipient of mercy--escaping a punishment or negative consequences you deserve.  Just remember in all of these circumstances, you're the same person.  A year before hitting those clutch free throws that UVA player led a team that was knocked out of the tournament in the first round...the first EVER 1-seed to do so. And a year later, that Auburn player is the starting guard on his team.  He's a team leader. That one foul from last season doesn't define him. Similarly, your days, good or bad, won't define you. As your grandmother has always told me, "just remember who and Whose you are" and press forward.  

I love you already, and I have full faith in the One who created you that you will come to know Him and live fully into the many meanings behind your name.  

Love,
Mom"

Unconditional Love

One of my favorite parts of being a mom to a young child is that I still have autonomy in what he wears.  While I know my days are numbered in regard to this privilege, I’m making them count while I can! So, you’ll often find my son in Auburn gear on game day. 

As we’re all aware, the Corona Virus has caused every sporting event imaginable to be canceled or postponed.  Yesterday was supposed to be “Selection Sunday,” a day where the dreams of many college basketball players are realized as their teams are chosen to participate in the NCAA basketball tournament.  However, with the tournament being canceled, no brackets were released, and no teams gathered to celebrate. 

And yet, I dressed my son in his Auburn gear.  At first, this felt silly to me, and I couldn’t justify to myself why I was still doing this.  Then it hit me.  I dress Mack in Auburn gear, not because of what a team may or may not do in March Madness, or the College World Series, or the College Football Playoff (Lord help us if we can ever make it there).  I dress him in Auburn gear win or lose, games or no games because I want to teach him that we love our school (and its respective teams) unconditionally.  We love Auburn because it is our school and our team. Period. The end.

One might find this a strange type of love to have until we realize that we are wired for this type of unconditional love as image-bearers of God.  You see, the truest form of unconditional love is the type of love we find in Christ, who lives in us as Christians.  He loves us not because of what we’ve achieved or proven.  He loves us because we are His.  Period. The end.  He demonstrated this love for us by giving up his life for us on the cross and rising again three days later.  This is what we reflect upon during Lent then celebrate on Easter. 

So, while sporting events are canceled, dress your children (or yourselves!) in your favorite team’s gear.  Teach them about unconditional love, then point them to the ultimate love—that which we find in Jesus.  Let’s celebrate that and rejoice in the peace and joy that love brings us during these trying and uncertain times.

In Memory of David

Five years ago today, on January 20, 2014, I met my husband. We went on a blind double date and stayed up til 3 am talking in my friend's living room. That night I learned a lot about Will. He told me all about his work as a cotton farmer and about his co-workers. One co-worker and friend I heard about that very first night we met was David Jones.

David was a childhood friend of my father in law and had managed the farm for years.  He drove a truck and on any given day you could spot him in his truck "driving the loop" or on the farm. Let it also be noted that the man enjoyed a Budweiser, even if it had been sitting in a truck bed for 8 hours in the Alabama heat.

When Will returned to the farm after finishing college at Auburn, he and David began working together and David quickly became a colleague, mentor, and friend to Will.   He was a one of a kind man.

Not too long after my first date with Will, I had the privilege of meeting David for myself. Will and I had been dating for a few months and he was back in planting season so I finally got to go visit the farm.  Though he never told me directly, I can imagine David had some doubts about Will bringing some city-girl from Birmingham (Mountain Brook, at that!) down to the farm.  Nonetheless, he invited me to hop in the tractor with him and take a ride. So I did! That's right, the first time I climbed into one of those giant machines was not with my future husband but with David. We rode for a little while...down and back down and back...talking about politics, history (Will had mentioned that I was a history major so David was sure to quiz me on my Civil War facts.), religion, and a little bit of farming. By the end of our ride I like to think I'd started to grow on David a little bit.

On my next visit to Prattville, David invited Will and me to his cabin to visit. Once we got there he proudly displayed his newest jar of moonshine and like the good Southern gentleman he was, offered some to us. I was pretty sure this was some sort of test. During our tractor ride we had covered the fact that I enjoyed a nice bourbon every now and then. I think he found my brown water preference a bit "hoity toity" so he figured he'd see what I did with this offer. Still trying to prove that I could hang with these farm guys, I accepted and thanked him generously as my throat burned and the taste of grain alcohol lingered on my tongue. As I looked up, David was grinning. I couldn't tell if he was taking more joy in the face I was making or that I'd just accepted his challenge. From that point on, I knew David and I were friends.

As Will and I dated, I got to know David a little better with each visit to the farm.  I came to love his kindness, loyalty, and the confidence he had in being himself.  Since we've been married, I have watched his relationship with Will change from one of caution and supervision to one of respect, trust, and love. When my parents came to visit the farm, David came out and met them. He walked my mom around one of the fields and helped her pick cotton by hand as she told him stories about her mom who had grown up doing the same.  Both times I've brought our son to the farm David made an effort to spend time with us.  He only met Mack twice, but I'm pretty sure they took a liking to one another.  David always spoke highly of me to Will and of Will to me.  That meant to world to both of us.

David passed away yesterday morning after being sick for awhile. It broke my heart. I know it broke Will's.  But I have no doubt that David is with Jesus. In fact, I told some of his family this morning that Will and I had smiled as we pictured David cruising around "the loop" in Heaven in his dirty pick up truck on streets paved with gold.  We're also pretty sure he declined his mansion in favor of a cabin, and I for one can't wait to stop in for a visit when I get there!